Broken

And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning

So I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will
I will be okay

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning

These are part of the lyrics to the song Broken by Lifehouse. They never had so much meaning until today when I really listened to the song. Sometimes I feel like the past is going to overwhelm me. I feel like I can't survive it. I feel like it's hopeless and that I don't deserve to be doing "okay". At times I literally feel like I am drowning in the shame/pain of it all. But times like today I am reminded that God is in control. He is always in control. God does not want me to punish myself He just wants me to grow and learn from the past. It's so hard.

I should update this huh?

It has been a very long time since I have updated this thing! A lot has changed. For many reasons, Chris and I moved to Lynchburg Virginia! The biggest reason being to finish school at Liberty University! We both got jobs at the school and one of the benefits is free school! Not too shabby huh? Chris has already started and will graduate May of next year. I will be starting soon and still have a couple years to go. My plan is to finish my Undergrad in Education and I will be doing a double Minor in Christian Counseling and Psychology. After I do get my bachelors degree I plan on getting my Master of Education. I put my dream of being an Elementary school teacher on hold for years but now I am so ready to continue pursuing it! I can't even explain how excited I am! I feel so blessed to have this opportunity!! I know I have a ways to go but its actually attainable now and that's enough for me!!

So we have been here in Lynchburg for almost 3 months and I am absolutely loving it! We have met some fantastic people and have attended some fabulous churches. So fabulous we cant decide on just one! Anyway, I will continue to post my adventures of being a Lynchburger. =]

Puzzles

Deuteronomy 29:29 says "The Lord our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that he has revealed to us, so that we may obey all the terms of these instructions."

This is such a great reminder! God sees the bigger picture of our lives, we don't. A good friend of mine uses the example of a puzzle. We get puzzle pieces through out life and sometimes we can't make sense of them but that's because only God sees the ultimate picture.

So don't worry so much about the bigger picture. Just handle one puzzle piece at a time. Obey Him and be patient - God will show you His beautiful puzzle top in HIS TIMING =]

Its been too long

I was driving to church yesterday and I heard this song. The lyrics touched me so much that I just had to share them somewhere then I remembered I had a blog in which I have severely neglected. So here we go =] If you get a chance find it and listen to it or at least just read the bold lyrics. One can never be reminded too much how great God love for us is.

Always be my baby
Sara Evans

There I was ten years old
Waiting in my room for him to come home
I just knew he'd be so mad
Though I begged my mother not to, she told my dad
There was no denying I‘d let him down
But instead of being angry
He put his arms around me and said

In the sunlight or the rain
Brightest nights or darkest days I'll always feel the same way
Whatever road you may be on know you're never too far gone
My love is there wherever you may be
Just remember that you'll always be my baby

There I was, twenty one
Oh, I was so ashamed
Of what I’d done
On a country road
Parked one night
What started out so innocent, crossed the line
There was no denying, I’d let God down
But instead of being angry
He let His love surround me
And I heard

In the sunlight or the rain
Brightest nights or darkest days
I'll always feel the same way
Whatever road you may be on
Know you’re never too far gone
My love is there, wherever you may be
Just remember that you'll always be my baby

Yeah yeah yeah

There he is, my little man
I’m sure he'll get in trouble every now and then
And I pray to God that when he does
I’ll be just as understanding, as my father was
'Cause the last thing that I wanna do
Is let him down
So instead of being angry I’m gonna
throw my arms around him and I’ll say

In the sunlight or the rain
Brightest nights or darkest days
I'll always feel the same way
Whatever road you may be on
Know your never to far gone
My love is there, wherever you may be
Just remember that you'll always be my baby

Be my baby

Good Friends, Good Food, Good FUN

On the last post I talked about how much I love my Fridays off - well yesterday I actually had to work because I was sick on Monday. It ended up being a great day though - my awesome boss let me off early and I went home and started helping get dinner ready for our guests coming over. We had two couples from church over. I am not allowed to cook so I was put in charge of making the Watermelon drinks - thank goodness I had Rachel helping me!! A simple recipe ended up being quite an adventure! They ended up being very tasty though - even Amanda liked them who doesn't even like Watermelon!! After dinner we played LOSER - and I am happy to say that I was not the LOSER this time, Bill was! Haha =] Then the boys dragged the girls to see "You Don't Mess With The Zohan." We figured we always make them see tons of chick flicks so we should at least go see one of their movies. Well I am ashamed to admit this but I enjoyed it! It was hilarious!! I didn't get to bed until almost 1 and then had to be up at 6:15 this morning - it was well worth it though!!! I am so excited for these new friendships developing and growing!! =]

Tomorrow is Sunday! Wahoo!!

I thank God for such an amazing husband. He was a gift from God that I didn't even ask for. If it wasn't for him I don't even know where I would be today. He came into my life at a time where I was so beyond lost and he introduced me to Jesus. I am not the same person I was before and I have God and Chris to thank for that. Over the past year there have been deaths of people that I used to hang out with in settings that I used to be in all the time - it's really scary to think about. It just makes me so grateful. I never would have imagined that I would be married to someone who cares so deeply about me... that treats me the way Jesus would. Who even when I make stupid decisions - tries to understand the root of the problem rather than just getting mad at me. If the love Chris has for me it just a little taste of the love Christ has for me than all I can say is WOW. I just pray that I am as good a wife to him as he is a husband to me.


I love you Pooks!!!

Can I just say that I love Fridays and I am very sad when they over. See Fridays are now officially me and Chris' day. We both have off work so we get the whole day together to do whatever we please!!! Well yesterday was a pretty lazy one which was just what I wanted and needed. One thing I love about my days off is that I don't have to rush to the gym and back - I can take my time getting there and I can work out as long as I want! So I took advantage of that and did 25 minutes of weights and 60 minutes of cardio!! Go me!! After that I went tanning and then came home and made my new favorite breakfast - cottage cheese oatmeal pancakes (don't knock it 'til you try it!) I have been having a blast finding and making new healthy recipes!! So after that I just laid around and watched tv for a couple hours then I went to visit my mom for a little bit. Chris was very busy preparing for the message on Sunday - so I tried to give him a little time to himself. Then at 7 we went and hung out with an awesome couple from church - Amanda and Ben. We ate chicken and shrimp on the grill! Chris had to take over cooking because Ben had to run out for a bit and Chris was in heaven because he loves to cook - especially grilling!! After a very yummy dessert (Strawberry Shortcake) we went and saw What Happens In Vegas - which was hilarious!!

It was a good day! =]