Broken

And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning

So I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will
I will be okay

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning

These are part of the lyrics to the song Broken by Lifehouse. They never had so much meaning until today when I really listened to the song. Sometimes I feel like the past is going to overwhelm me. I feel like I can't survive it. I feel like it's hopeless and that I don't deserve to be doing "okay". At times I literally feel like I am drowning in the shame/pain of it all. But times like today I am reminded that God is in control. He is always in control. God does not want me to punish myself He just wants me to grow and learn from the past. It's so hard.